ONE MILE AT A TIME...

1 AM

2009-07-30T00:52:00.000-07:00

Exhausted, yet restless I sit here and ponder what tomorrow will hold.... TO-MOR-ROW. Its not likely I anticipate one
thing at a time. However, nothing will break my concentration of this seemingly long awaited day. I fear, yet I trust at the same time. Is that even possible? If not, I wonder what my level of trust actually is...

Do they really know how much I love them? Have I made it clear? What if I do not get another chance to tell them?... Oh Lord, show your hand. My eyes are wet from tears... Tears of love, from the heart you have given me. A Father to the orphan, a Healer to the broken, you are good and YOU ARE GOD.

I love you

2008-11-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

These simple yet profound words have come to mean so much to me this past weekend. Love is so much more then what the world makes it out to be. The love of God is mind boggling, and yet overwhelming as I start to experience it more and more. I often ask how and why? Those questions still remain unanswered, as I continually mess up and prove myself unworthy to be known and loved by him. I am at a place of change. There is no other way for me to go other then forward. However, forward in my mind is going to seem torturous. I will do it though. I need refinement. By the grace of God I will take my next step as I lean on his strength. He knows my heart and still loves me when it is dark and cold. Wow...

It WILL make sense...

2008-11-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

I have been carrying this cross for so long. I am just too tired... "Lord can I please cut part of it off? It is getting too heavy for me." With no clear answer, I went ahead and cut part of it off. I continued to move forward until I came to a steep hill. "Man.. (I thought to myself), there is no way I will get up this hill, I need to chop some more off to lighten the load." I took some more off and proceeded to walk up the hill. With my legs and lungs burning, and sweat dripping down my face I stopped for a break. "This is so hard." I thought to myself. Then I noticed I was not the only one carrying a cross. There were others all around me. They seemed to be tired too.

"Hello? You know you can just cut off the end and it will be lighter?" No one took my advice, in fact they didn't even look at me. Their eyes were looking straight ahead. "Well then, I guess I will just show them. They will see..." I then, cut off more of my cross, enough to carry the load without really feeling the pain or loosing my breath. I didn't understand why everyone else was suffering when they could just make it easier.

Finally I came to the top of the hill where I was stopped by a large gap. I could not get to the other side. "What do I do now Lord?" I looked around to see what everyone else would do. They used their cross as a bridge to get over the gap. It was just the right length. Mine was too short. Then it hit me.... I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness. "I see now... I needed to experience the pain of carrying this cross. Instead I took the easy way... I took MY way. I did not know what was ahead, but YOU did. Oh God, what can I do? Is it too late?"

Amanda...

2008-06-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I don't want to hear it from you Celtic fans or Laker haters :) I will stick my foot in my mouth now. They played horrible and I was disappointed.

Anyway..time to move forward in the basketball world. My JV girls team had their first tournament this past weekend. I was unable to make all but the last game due to the amazing wedding of James and Ruth Rogers that I was privelaged to be a part of. I met the new incoming freshman. It was exciting to meet new girls. Although they looked at me as if I was a new player on the team not their coach. I guess looking young will some day be to my advantage.

I was impressed with all the new girls but one really stuck out to me named Amanda. She is about 4 1/2 feet tall with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a cute raspy voice. I didn't know much about the new girls so I put in the starting line up based on what I already knew. Amanda took her spot right next to me on the bench at the start of the game. She said "I'm hoping to grow this year coach, don't worry." (with a shy smile and meaningful look in her eyes.) I said "I'm not worried at all. You will grow..but the size of your heart is what is most important." (ya.. ok sounds a little cheesy, like something we have all heard a million times. However, I meant it, and I believe that to be true. Especially in the world of girls JV basketball.

It was time for Amanda to sub in. "Ok kid, lets see what you got." I had no idea what I was in for. This girl worked harder then anyone out there on the court. Diving for loose balls, sprinting back in help side defense, crashing the offensive boards, showing emotion. It was really neat to see. It touched my heart and ispired me. This is the part of coaching that is so rewarding.

It got me thinking about life... how often do we underestimate ourselves, and especially others? The smallest kid on the team made the biggest impact on me. You never know how God can use you until you let him use you. The ironic thing is...she doesn't even know the impact she had made. I will eventually tell her. She just went out there with a fight and passion in her heart to give it her all. I am inspired to approach life in this way. I fail to do this often, I easily get discouraged when the results are not clear. However, that is the wrong motivation to have. It is all for the King. Who am I to be in control of who I inspire and who I don't? It is all up to God, and I am thankful that he uses us in this way.

Here is my quote for the day:

"Push yourself again and again. Don't give an inch until the final buzzer sounds."
-Larry Byrd
(A little shout out to the celtics)

Lets make history

2008-06-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

Lakers vs. Celtics = tradition

I am PUMPED. Don't count on making any plans with me while these games are being aired. I will not miss them. However, I would be more than happy to watch the games with ya'll. It is not something that anyone would want to miss out on :) Lets go Kobe Bryant!!!

Faith to the test...

2008-01-24T22:33:00.000-08:00

About a week and a half ago I was sitting in the saddleback membership class when one of my mom’s friends came in and said “Ashley your mom has been trying to get a hold of you. Something is wrong with your niece.” I think my heart skipped a beat as I ran outside to call her. My 8 year old niece Reegan had been feeling dizzy for about the past month so her mom finally decided to take her to the emergency room. They did a cat scan and found some bleeding in her brain. She was then take to Choc and placed in intensive care. The next day they ran an MRI and found a lesion on her brain. It needed to be taken out. The doctor was honest in telling us the possible risks of the surgery: paralyses, seizures, strokes, infection, and of course death.

I couldn’t bare the thought of my little niece dying. I wrestled with the Lord and struggled for a moment in time with trusting him. I prayed prayers of desperation knowing that it was out of my hands. I had the privilege of staying with Reegan the night before her surgery. She wanted me to lie in the hospital bed with her so I did. All I could think was “I wish it were me instead of her and…this might be the last chance I get to spend with her.” I was talking on the phone earlier with Jenni that night and she asked me if Reegan knew the Lord. I knew that I had to make sure that she did that night just in case something were to happen I would want to be sure that my niece was in the arms of the Father.

Reegan and I had a conversation about Jesus and I was confident that she had already made a decision. Thank God! I continued to lie awake and pray over her as she fell asleep. The song "Blessed Be Your Name" popped into my head. “You give and take away, you give and take away. But my heart will choose to stay. Lord blessed be your name.” I felt like the Lord was telling me to be at peace. I wept like a child that night in the hospital bed but I knew that the Lord was so near. ("The nearness of God is my good." Psalm 73:28) If something were to happen to Reegan I would have to continue to trust that it was for good. It would be one of the hardest things I would ever have to face in life but I would continue to bless his name because he is worthy. The next day Reegan had her surgery. Everything went well and she is recovering quickly. The Lord had his hand of protection over her the whole time and continues to protect her. The same as he does for you and I. This whole situation was scary and unexpected but it caused my family and I to cling to the hem of his garment and place all of our trust in him.

Here are some reflections and things that I learned through this:
I was so incredibly blessed by the body of Christ and how they all came together to pray for Reegan and encourage us. She was covered in prayer from so many people. We felt it, and it was so evident that God was at work. I was reading in John 14 that week about the peace that only HE gives. I am so thankful for that peace…”not as the world gives.” I started to feel bad for others that have to go through something like this, and worse things but do not have Christ in them. I don’t know how one does it. I felt so undeserving but so grateful. I also started to think about the many relationships in my life. It is crazy how quick something can happen. Someone that I love can be stripped away from me in the blink of an eye. I don’t want to have any regrets. I have been challenged to build better relationships and to share Christ in any way that I can. God is so faithful and I learn more and more about trusting him every day. After all...He is worthy of all my TRUST

Knot in my throat

2008-01-08T11:45:00.001-08:00

Today, as I was thinking of everyone going back to CBU after the break, I got a knot in the back of my throat. I have that feeling you get when you know you need to be somewhere, or want to be somewhere but you just can't get there. It is wierd and hard but yet good at the same time. This feeling makes me want to draw closer to the Lord and figure out who I am outside of CBU. There is a lot in store, I just don't know what yet. I want to serve HIM and I pray I will do that faithfully every day of my life. I am excited to take a step of faith and learn new things.

I have already learned a lot in just reflecting this past month over my college years. One thing that has really stuck out to me is my friends. I realize how blessed I am to have some amazing people in my life who will encourage, challenge, and even drive out to irvine to visit me. I truly do not deserve it. God has been so good to me in this area of my life. There are times I could not have gotten though without the body of Christ pushing me along. I don't really know what else to say for now...well actually I have a lot to say but cannot seem to sum it all up in a blog so here are a few pictures of winter break:
Disneyland for Katie's birthday

A day spent with Carly and Chappy...doesn;t get much better then this :)

The Rockin Taco

New Year's Eve at Kinsley's

You alone are God

2007-12-14T13:29:00.000-08:00

"In the day of trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. Among the gods there is no one like you, Oh Lord; no deeds can compare with yours. All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, Oh Lord; they will bring glory to your name. For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. Teach me your way oh Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. I will praise you oh Lord my God will all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me. You have delivered me from the depths of the grave." Psalm 86:7-13

I am graduating college today and there is much to say about that. For now, I will only reflect on a few things that are going on in my head. My time here at CBU is simply unexplainable. As I started to pack up my things today, I began to get emotional. I will miss it here and I have no idea what the future holds. But this is what I know today:

The Lord will answer me in my times of trouble and confusion. He is more then worthy of all my trust. He is great and has consistantly shown his goodness in my life, even when my faith has failed me. He has delivered me from a sinful lifestyle and called me to be his child. No matter what, I must praise him with all my heart. I have learned so much in these past four years of growing in my faith. Today, psalm 86 seems to sum up what is going on in my heart right now. I think the Lord is telling me to trust in him one day at a time. The word is good and I am so thankful for it.

Its been a while...

2007-10-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

I know it has been forever since I have blogged. This one won't be amazing; just a little update. This semester is flyin by. It has been so wonderful. God is so good. I was not looking forward to having to stay another semester in school but I can totally see God's plan in that now. I think I have grown a lot in these past two months. I am very thankful for the time that I have had so far this year. I have been blessed to meet some pretty amazing people.

A huge blessing this year has been the bible study that Robin and I are leading. I have prayed and prayed that the Lord will help me to love these girls as he does. I don't know if I would go that far, but I definitely do love them. I am always thinking about them and I look forward to every monday when we meet. It is awesome to see the Lord moving in their hearts. It is wierd to think this is my last semester (Lord willing) I got emotional the other day thinking and reflecting on my time here at CBU. I am so grateful for all that I have learned. I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty soon, I will have my senior recital and get a diploma :)

There is so much more I could write about what I have been learning but I will have to save that for another time. I am tired right now. Here is a pic of some new friends :)

Back at CBU..

2007-08-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

So...it has been a while since I have last blogged because I have been so busy. At this very moment I am on a dinner break from choir camp. I needed a little time alone and away so I thought I would come back to my apt. Anyways...I have been back at school for about a week now. It was strange at first and I think I had a little bit of a hard time. A lot of my friends graduated, I am now the oldest FOCUS leader, everyone kept asking me why I didn't graduate, some relationships have changed, and to be completely honest I felt a little alone. Pathetic, I know. However, it all turned out to be a blessing. It has forced me to cling to the Lord and deny my selfishness. I think God has humbled me this week, and I am so thankful for that. I have been learning a lot lately. God is good and faithful. I have been amazed at his steadfast love and faithfulness.

The FOCUS team has been practicing skits to get ready for the new student orientation. I am in the world's apart skit once again. Yes...I get to be the drinker. The skit itself is so powerful. It has reminded me of his grace. In the midst of our sin, he still loves us and waits with arms open. We try and try to overcome it on our own, but we can't. That is when he picks us up and helps us across. Christ is the only one that can bridge the gap of sin in our lives. Knowing this...how can I keep from praising him? I cannot

The River

2007-08-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I went to the river in Yuma Arizona. It was a great time with some family and good friends. Water sports are my absolute favorite. Wakeboarding, skiing, and the boat life. I could be out there every day and not get sick of it. There is something about it that is just so refreshing. Its like..when I am behind the boat I am in my own little world. I am hurtin today though...burnt shoulders, burnt lips and an extremely sore body. It was all worth it. I couldn't have asked for a better last weekend of summer before I move back to school. Here are a few pictures:

Two of my cute nieces: Josie and Reegin. They both learned how to ski this weekend...studs

Thats me skiing and wakeboarding

Intertube...so much fun!

Before getting on the intertube...yeah

All of us eating dinner at the cracker barrel..what an interesting night

Border check...Robin and I thought we would make it interesting by getting out of the car

Wait

2007-07-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 37:7
Oh to wait on the Lord… what a difficult task. I have learned a lot this summer. One thing that has been put to the test is my patience and my ability to wait. It is hard. I get extremely anxious and frustrate myself by trying to figure out answers, answers that are not for me to figure out. That is when God faithfully covers me with grace and peace and reminds me that he is in control. God is sovereign. Through life experience and stories from the bible we have come to find that his delays are always purposeful. When we dare to live by his timing great things are bound to happen. “They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not be faint. “ Isaiah 40:31 Certainly we all like the idea of renewed strength, soaring high, running without weariness and walking without getting tired. But…we must wait for the Lord. I am writing this as a reminder to myself. To wait, and hold fast to what is good and true. God has always shown his faithfulness. Why would he all of a sudden stop?

Yay for pictures

2007-07-30T08:57:00.001-07:00

Here is a brief over view of my past week..

On monday nigth I met these girls at Coache's on main street in Huntington Beach

Wednesday night was Sarah's bachelorette party...it was a fun one

Some good friends :)

Here is my basketball team. We all went out to dinner on friday night and then I took them to a haunted house and golden spoon. I don't think I have ever wanted a group of girls to know the love of Christ as much as I want these girls to know it. I have enjoyed every moment spent with them this summer. I will definitely miss them :)

On Saturday Kyle and Sarah got married!

The Wedding

2007-07-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

Well...after anticipating and waiting, the day has come and gone. Kim Weisenthal is now Kim Imai. Praise God for this amazing couple. It was a wonderful wedding in which God was truly glorified. I had a blast and was extremely blessed to spend time with the whole wedding party. It was a great group of people. Here are a few pictures...

The bridesmaids at the rehearsal dinner

Kim and Derek got the bridesmaids and groomsmen rainbow sandals :)

The morning of the wedding... We call this our ugly picture. :) Chap and I just got back from a run and everyone else just woke up. Speaking of Chap...I am really going to miss her. It was a bitter sweet weekend because Kim and Derek got married but I also had to say good bye to a very dear friend. I love you Chappy, I will be praying for you!

A beautiful bride...inside and out

Kimmy and I

Waiting for the wedding to start

Rob and I and our brother Derek at the reception

Some random thoughts for the week

2007-07-17T16:19:00.000-07:00

HOPE-
I have been thinking a lot about this word these past few weeks. Do I really understand it? Not to its full meaning I am sure, but I am thankful for the little bit of understanding that the Lord has given me. Often I struggle with putting my hope in anything that I think will bring satisfaction in this life. I think a lot of times I am even unaware that I do this, until the Lord searches me in and out and brings it to my attention. I have been humbled time after time for this. The Lord is constantly trying to grasp my heart and turn my focus back on Him. It wasn’t until this week that I have realized how many times God has reminded me that Christ is my only Hope. (countless) Which brings something else to mind; his abundant grace and overflowing mercy blows me away.

Anyways...knowing that God desires for me to know the Hope to which he has called me gives me more Hope…a feeling of trust and security. “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope, without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23 So many verses in the bible talk about Hope. “I hope in your word.” Psalm 119:81 The word of God itself is my hope in life. This is a subject that I could write and think about for hours upon hours and still never be able to fully cover it. I am constantly learning more and more about the meaning of hope as the Lord molds me and directs my every path. Romans 12:12 says to rejoice in hope. It is Christ working in me that brings me joy. I am grateful for that joy and I desire for him to receive all the glory for the joy that is shown through me. Thank God that the hope of His glory does not depend on me, but Christ who is working in me.

My Favorite Smell

2007-07-05T19:23:00.000-07:00

So...in case no one knew...One of my favorite smells in the whole world is sex wax. Ok, you people with the dirty minds that are obviously California nerds, stop with that thought for a minute until I tell you what it is. Sex wax is the name of the surfboard wax I use.

I bought it like a week ago when my good friend Kimmy and I were going to go surfing. We ended up not surfing because it was overcast by the beach. So instead we decided to go back to irvine and ride bikes to the lagoon and lay out. It was great to spend time with her. Many times when we have conversations I want to have a note pad with me because she is very wise for being so young. I love her so much. She has been an amazing blessing in my life and a friendship that I will treasure forever. There will be more of her to come because she is getting married in two weeks and I im in her wedding, which means I will have lots to say and lots of pictures. This picture that I put on here is from Malaysia. (one of the great memories I have with her)

My Spot

2007-06-25T19:55:00.001-07:00

This is what I like to call my spot. It is about a ten minute walk or five minute bike ride from my house in Irvine. I love it...I go there pretty much every day to think and pray. A lot of times when I am on a run I will stop there and do some crunches and then I can't help but sit there for a little while because it is so pretty and peaceful. Today when I was there I was praying through Psalm 63. "Oh God you are my God, earnestly I seek you. My sould thirsts for you, my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water..." Read the rest the rest. :) It is one of my favorite psalms. Every time I go there I will try not to bring my phone so that there are no distractions. I think it is important to have a place like this. A place where we will not be distracted, a place where we can sit in silence and focus on what the Lord might have to say to us.

I have realized that I do not take enough time out of my day to just be quiet and listen. So often I pray for answers, but then fill my day, or crowd my mind with other noises, and wonder why the Lord does not seem to be listening. So....I am thankful for my spot, which really turns out to be HIS spot :)

My First Blog

2007-06-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

Ok...So I have been convinced to get a blog. I am usually not one to do something just because everyone else is doing it, but I thought oh...why not? I can't promise that I will be consistant with this thing but my intention is to at least try. I feel like I have to say something deep and profound but since its just my first blog...

I think I will just talk a little bit about the highlight of my summer so far...which was THE CRUISE. It was a blast. My friends are crazy fun and I am very blessed. The cruise was kind of a time of reflection on some of these great friendships that I have developed throughout my college years. I love these girls so much...and I would do anything for them. I know they would say the same about me. My favorite part of the cruise was the dueling piano show. Two piano players would play anything that we requested. They were amazing musicians...some might say I was obsessed, but I didn't think it was an unhealthy obsession :) My other favorite part was MEXICO. For those of you who don't know I am part Mexican, and take great pride in that. So I felt right at home haha. But really...it was great, I could have spent the whole time there. There was dancing every night..which was fun. Oops..did I say dancing? Ya'll will have to ask Robin about the dancing ;) She's an animal on the dance floor. Welp I think thats enough for now...I am ADD so I must go
PS: If anyone wants to see a dueling piano show, I know where they play :)