About a week and a half ago I was sitting in the saddleback membership class when one of my mom’s friends came in and said “Ashley your mom has been trying to get a hold of you. Something is wrong with your niece.” I think my heart skipped a beat as I ran outside to call her. My 8 year old niece Reegan had been feeling dizzy for about the past month so her mom finally decided to take her to the emergency room. They did a cat scan and found some bleeding in her brain. She was then take to Choc and placed in intensive care. The next day they ran an MRI and found a lesion on her brain. It needed to be taken out. The doctor was honest in telling us the possible risks of the surgery: paralyses, seizures, strokes, infection, and of course death.
I couldn’t bare the thought of my little niece dying. I wrestled with the Lord and struggled for a moment in time with trusting him. I prayed prayers of desperation knowing that it was out of my hands. I had the privilege of staying with Reegan the night before her surgery. She wanted me to lie in the hospital bed with her so I did. All I could think was “I wish it were me instead of her and…this might be the last chance I get to spend with her.” I was talking on the phone earlier with Jenni that night and she asked me if Reegan knew the Lord. I knew that I had to make sure that she did that night just in case something were to happen I would want to be sure that my niece was in the arms of the Father.
Reegan and I had a conversation about Jesus and I was confident that she had already made a decision. Thank God! I continued to lie awake and pray over her as she fell asleep. The song "Blessed Be Your Name" popped into my head. “You give and take away, you give and take away. But my heart will choose to stay. Lord blessed be your name.” I felt like the Lord was telling me to be at peace. I wept like a child that night in the hospital bed but I knew that the Lord was so near. ("The nearness of God is my good." Psalm 73:28) If something were to happen to Reegan I would have to continue to trust that it was for good. It would be one of the hardest things I would ever have to face in life but I would continue to bless his name because he is worthy. The next day Reegan had her surgery. Everything went well and she is recovering quickly. The Lord had his hand of protection over her the whole time and continues to protect her. The same as he does for you and I. This whole situation was scary and unexpected but it caused my family and I to cling to the hem of his garment and place all of our trust in him.
Here are some reflections and things that I learned through this:
I was so incredibly blessed by the body of Christ and how they all came together to pray for Reegan and encourage us. She was covered in prayer from so many people. We felt it, and it was so evident that God was at work. I was reading in John 14 that week about the peace that only HE gives. I am so thankful for that peace…”not as the world gives.” I started to feel bad for others that have to go through something like this, and worse things but do not have Christ in them. I don’t know how one does it. I felt so undeserving but so grateful. I also started to think about the many relationships in my life. It is crazy how quick something can happen. Someone that I love can be stripped away from me in the blink of an eye. I don’t want to have any regrets. I have been challenged to build better relationships and to share Christ in any way that I can. God is so faithful and I learn more and more about trusting him every day. After all...He is worthy of all my TRUST
4 comments:
He is so worthy of all our trust and yet sometimes I forget that as I live life. I'm thankful for Reegin and thankful she is doing so well. I love you Ash! Thank you for the encouragement and challenge to trust the Lord and share Christ with others.
What a great testimony to God's goodness and enduring love. What a difficult time that is to go through.
Hey Ash, I was searching through peoples different blogs and came across yours and id have to say that story is incredible. I have a few neices and one especially im extra close to, Olivia u have met her =) (she actually adores you haha and think u look like taylor swift too) ok, so i was putting myself in your shoes and thinking, wow, if i had to go through that with my neice i'd probably be so angry with God at the time, but then i thought i couldn't do that. I would be so selfish for my neice not depending on God and being an example for her. So many thoughts ran through my head and how much pain you must have been in. But all in all you did what was wise and exactly what God wanted and thats truly a beautiful thing. Pretty much reading this made me realize that staying in him is everything I need in life. Although i know that it's nice to see other people as an example to that. I appreciated everything you said and am so glad your neice knows God too. =) It's funny because Olivia teaches me more then she ever could know about God, and keeps me in check from time to time. It's absolutely amazing because shes only ten years old!
ok sorry I rambled on but thanx for the encouragement Ash I'll be seeing you this weekend at I.T.W.!
ohh and p.s. it didnt post my blog site but now im logged in. I dont know how to subscribe to users like u have all your friends on your site and stuff i want to know how i do that. So that way when i go to the middle east i could have all my friends on there and hopefully keep them updated. So if you have any clue how to do that want to let me know and help me?? thanx a billion! toodles...
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