I love you

These simple yet profound words have come to mean so much to me this past weekend. Love is so much more then what the world makes it out to be. The love of God is mind boggling, and yet overwhelming as I start to experience it more and more. I often ask how and why? Those questions still remain unanswered, as I continually mess up and prove myself unworthy to be known and loved by him. I am at a place of change. There is no other way for me to go other then forward. However, forward in my mind is going to seem torturous. I will do it though. I need refinement. By the grace of God I will take my next step as I lean on his strength. He knows my heart and still loves me when it is dark and cold. Wow...

It WILL make sense...

I have been carrying this cross for so long. I am just too tired... "Lord can I please cut part of it off? It is getting too heavy for me." With no clear answer, I went ahead and cut part of it off. I continued to move forward until I came to a steep hill. "Man.. (I thought to myself), there is no way I will get up this hill, I need to chop some more off to lighten the load." I took some more off and proceeded to walk up the hill. With my legs and lungs burning, and sweat dripping down my face I stopped for a break. "This is so hard." I thought to myself. Then I noticed I was not the only one carrying a cross. There were others all around me. They seemed to be tired too.

"Hello? You know you can just cut off the end and it will be lighter?" No one took my advice, in fact they didn't even look at me. Their eyes were looking straight ahead. "Well then, I guess I will just show them. They will see..." I then, cut off more of my cross, enough to carry the load without really feeling the pain or loosing my breath. I didn't understand why everyone else was suffering when they could just make it easier.

Finally I came to the top of the hill where I was stopped by a large gap. I could not get to the other side. "What do I do now Lord?" I looked around to see what everyone else would do. They used their cross as a bridge to get over the gap. It was just the right length. Mine was too short. Then it hit me.... I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness. "I see now... I needed to experience the pain of carrying this cross. Instead I took the easy way... I took MY way. I did not know what was ahead, but YOU did. Oh God, what can I do? Is it too late?"